I live here.

I worry lately if I made the right decision.

I’m questioning decisions I once clarified to be the only decisions I ‘knew’ were the ‘right’ ones.

Maybe I dont want to teach home economics.

Maybe I dont want to teach at all.

Sometimes I wish I’d studied english. I can imagine myself in a big university… reading and having deep conversations with all sorts of people.

But still doing theology. This is my one stability and ‘light’ I guess. 

The one assignment I have enjoyed so far this year is my christology one. It makes me excited to hear what vince thinks of it….

why can I not feel this way about anything else? my home ec modules feel like constant pressure, constant failure, never being good enough but worse than that… just not caring.

I genuinely do not care about these physics labs. or my textiles folder, or social studies, or fucking specific methodology and SEN combined groupwork assignment.

I wish I cared but I dont…. and I dont know what to do about it.